Sometimes other people could take care or appreciate us better than the ones we expect to do so.
And it's ironic when these other people mentioned how lucky we/them are to have them/us.
- Posted from iPhone3G[s] using BlogPress.
Okay that'll be an exaggerating.
But still, little did I know the steps to care for my eyes! Did you?
I have this normal eye-sight problem and it's quite common these days to have the hypermetropia or rabun jauh even amongst teenagers still. So to make my vision perfectly clear, I wear the contacts lens for daytime. Started wearing them since the age of 15 and the mahaguru who taught me to insert the damn lens into my eyes was Mamai. She stood by me for almost 2 hours and were screaming on top of her lung "haa masuk laa masukk kann jeee" Verrryyyyyy nice help there babe. Hehe :) you're still the best btw. I succeeded btw.
And now the process lessen from 2 hours to only 2 minutes, hooray for being pro to me.
Okay so point is I never took much notice about eyes before. After shower from work, I'd just simple took out the lens and placed it in its container (after the new invention of "no-rubbing" solution it's all so freaking easy these days right?), the next morning I'll just swiped open the container and placed it back into my eyes and the processes continue till these days.
And so today, my left lens did some of its magic and fell out off my eyes on its own. So technically I was one eye blinded and the dizzy vision was killing me. Immediately went back home to get my worn out specs. After work, I went to the mall to buy new boxes of lenses. So with charming smile, I greeted the sales assistant and she took me into the eye-room (or at least I called it so) First thing first, she checked the specs and then comes the eyes. Seconds after she finished with both, she asked me "how old exactly is your specs?" And I, innocently "erm 1 year?"
Firmly she replied,
"I doubt so. 3 to 4 years maybe?"
And boy, how she was truly upset with me. She explained the specs degree were -3.15 for the right and -3.00 for the left with astig of 75. And now, I have the -4.50 for the right and -4.15 for the left with astig of 250. To make me more miserable, she added that I do too have the short-sighted problem now. Okay I'm officially old, thank you. And she kept on babbling at how can I drive with these powers? It's impossible for me to even see! (err technically yes but I survived! hehe)
And so I went back and start googling about eye cares.
Tssk.
Will update about it later though.
Toooooooooooooooo lazy to upload any photos with this broadband connection. It takes ages! And I'm assured to have an awesome full loads of stress tomorrow.
Oh, am thinking of doing the LASIK operation,
but where can I dig the money from?
Can I too be honest and receive the RM7mil too? Hee :D
is that where I am now?
I rarely publish anything about the wedding preparation here right? And that is because I wouldn't. Not because I am not excited about it, nor anything about I'm not proud of my own marriage (which in fact I do) but I just don't like the world to know what's bugging me and what's not. Thank you very much, so far I could keep it under control (unless at the very least minute, I'm there banging at your door, then I need the major help)
Anyways, this one is not about the preparation.
But the feeling itself.
Sometimes I wandered whether I'm fully ready for this. I know most of the people out there are under-estimating me and put doubts in it. But the real question here is: am I?
Marriage does not just come on the basis of love. It comes in a package, with a deal. Responsibilities, for me that'll be the top notch in the whole lot of bundle.
To be honest here with everyone, I am scared. But I'm up for it. I'm ready to explore. I'm there and know that I myself will stick through it. I promise to run and fly together.
But sometimes when I stopped for a while, and looked around me, I see those people, friends foes and strangers, in my age, were having their own time of their life with their single statuses. They, looked young.
And I, on the other hand, seemed old.
I cringed. And on the verge of crying, I blamed myself; why do you acted so old Ieja?
And no, I did not want to answer that myself and put the marriage on the blame.
I love him. More.
And I'd made the vows. With no regrets.
Sometimes I wonder, those who're in my age, were happily attending pillow fights, giggling to her best friend about a guy winking at her in the office, or a guy replying her email/sms, putting on her best clothes/make-up/shoes to impress a guy whom she had a crush on, or just about anything a teenager would do, while me, on the hand was too tired to join plus was worried sick about the cake, the dress, the decoration, the everything-in-the-list on wedding, financial, and future. And that does officially make me a 100years older, than them.
Then it's time for me to shoo-ed my ownself to get a life.
I feel sad.
Do I have these opportunities to feel that way again? Will I mix with them later? Or I'll ended up getting old by myself and my husband in our own world? That can be depressing you know. Plus fo the record, I'm a woman too and I know how excited it used to be before, to be all gushy and funky and wacky and crazy, when it was all just dull to me now. I don't get it anymore why people make such a fuss on a guy. Not interested anymore. Sometimes I would just pretend to understand when it was just actually killing me. I don't understand why people cared too much about their dressings and why would they dressed for someone else? Isn't comfort is key and isn't you should dressed for your OWNSELF? Geez, correct me there if I'm wrong. And I just don't understand what's the big deal on having a crush on someone or having an affair with someone when you'd already declared you're in a stable relatioship. Duh? Dah lah siap dengan bangganya pegi cerita dekat orang lain, like would you not care about what they'll think of you?
I don't know.
See?
Told you I'm getting old faster. And it's sad.
I looked around, and cry.
Will I not fit in the circle anymore?
Will I still understand the language that they'll speak?
Will I not bore them to death with the old-lady attitude?
Am I becoming too pathetic?
And, will I still be a good friend to them later?
Or would they just forget?
:/
Not in the picture: Rafiq Hayyat (MIA)... and I can just go kiss my airfare tickets to Kuala Lumpur for next Deepavali weekend off the effing window.
When something good happens to me, it's always just too good to be true. Same goes like this weekend. Ahsan came and visited KK! and you have no freaking idea how excited I was. If it wasn't for the tight work schedule I had last week, I would've went around the office and wear the goofy smile all the freaking time.
The plane was delayed though, and he landed approximately around 1230 late night. Chan & I were already waited while watching the Slumdog Milionaire just to kill the time. Later after, Chan Med Ahsan & I had the McD late night snack at Api Api Centre.
(btw I swear to God mice found there were in their supersize & fucking menggelikan! Especially when they pretended to hide away when someone sees them but they're stupid enough to forgot that they're super gemuk and besar, the whole world could even see them! Eughh)
We drove back and I sent Ahsan who'll be staying at Med's house in Ganang Villa happily after getting my McDonalds Coca Cola's pink glass!
The next day, after having our Soto Banjar breakfast at Seri XXX in front of Karamunsing (I actually forgot the name of that restaurant) , we started to find our ways to the famous Tanah Tinggi Kundasang. Thanks to the worst human GPS in the world, me, instead of the 3-hours driving, we ended up arriving there approximately around 1pm (hahaa). Oh twit, ada pitstop at Tamparuli bridge so okay laa just in time tak? Hahaa. Initially, I wanted to go to Desa Mesilau Dairy Farm but of course I failed in finding our ways there. With no maps, no experiences and no guides, we made our ways to whatever places that we would want up there and phew, finally we found the Kinabalu Park.
Housemates are done with their packing as they'll be boarding off the plane early tomorrow morning. I put the playlist to be on Raya mood songs and tuned it to the whole house! Whoaa :D But now the sadness started to kick in.
Dammit!
When the truth remains still;
I'll be going back on the 18th Sept 09 and will be back to KK on 23rd Sept 09.
Sobs.
Masih tidak dapat bermain bunga api dan mercun bersama rakan!
Misi selepas Raya: HARUS!
Sometimes when I tend to be all smiley and goofy and calm in front of people, doesn't make me excluded in any inner problems. Never make any assumptions that I'm free of all those mind wobbling blowing headache disastrous matters. I'm just like one of you.
But I just chose to be in a different path of expressing it.
Why bother to keep on complaining here and there when there's nothing else could be done? Why blame here and there? Why put yourself even in a messy situation? Is there anything that could've been done? Then do it. But if there aren't, then stop complaining. Just stop. That's not my way of expressing that I have problems. No, I don't announce it to the whole world just for the sake of letting people know that "oh aku sungguh la drama". Grow up.
I believe everyone is better than me when it comes to religious terms. Then I believe that you would've heard the sayings that say words that come out of our mouths are doa too? Have you ever heard of one simple phrase like that? Then please, keep on complaining and saying things here and there and be as grateful as you can be, because it'll be for real, one day. It will.
Okay, back to the main topic: problems.
There are a lot of ways of expressing or tuning it into something less stressful. It's your choice, to pick which path you want to lead your life into. I chose to just smile and keep as if things are fine. But deep down (and those who are close will know too) the feelings are smashed and being scarred too. But why bother to be in that mood, when you could've cherish the joyous one. Again, just because I smile here and there and calm in every actions, doesn't make me excluded. You have no right, to point at me and say things are going on well for me. Yeah well guess what, fuck you. Pfft!
So that makes me a normal person after all, kan? And just because I don't kepoh to the whole house that my job is tough, my bank account is shrinking when the truth is actually I don't even have sufficient savings in it pon, my adaptation is worsen, or even cried with such an expression makes me free of all the problems. I'm a human too after all. I cried but I just happen to know the thing called my own-self moment.
You see, I understand all the things that people went through. But be tough. Don't blame the others for it. Always remember everything comes from Allah S.W.T. Things won't just happened without any reasons. It maybe tough, it may be even harder, but brave yourself for it. Accept it. Because at the end of the day, there's the thing called reward, waiting for you. It's just a matter of time. Patience is key. Never complaint, because that means you're blaming things for happened and it's wrong. Yes we could be sad and down and all the why questions came out at that specific moment, but get through it, and instead of that, please do look things from the positive side. Think of what we've got, and not what we haven't gotten. That way, we'll slowly be calm and accepting things and always know things can't never be sprinkles with perfection and happiness. It must be balanced. So instead of looking at the downside of it and stepping into the Syaitan's bisikan, look at those happy moments and be grateful for that.
I never say it's easy. It's hard to be all positive that way, everyone knows that. It takes time, so cry all you want, be grumpy all you want, but at the end of the day, try to seek for the rainbow. Things'll be better, InsyaAllah.
Imam Ibn Taymiyyah said, “Allah mentions patience in His Book more than 90 times. Within one verse, Allah orders us to practice both patience and prayer. Allah (S.W.T.) says in the Noble Qur'an what could be translated as, “O you who believe! Seek help in patience and prayer. Truly! Allah is with the patient.” (Verse 153) Surat Al-Baqarah.There are some things in this world that are beyond the control of mankind. These things can bring either happiness or sadness. And every individual or nation will experience these things in one way or the other. Many people know how to cope with things that bring happiness, although some people still misuse the opportunity. However, many people usually have problems in coping with things that bring sadness.
In Islam, Allah has clearly stated that He will test us. He did not stop at that but He also informed us of what we need to pass the test or trial. "Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Who say when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return." They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah and Mercy and they are the ones that receive guidance." Q2:155-7.
Too many things happened in these past 2 weeks. First thing first, I graduated :) Finally. With the HONS and everything whatever it is that's being called lah. But I haven't yet collected my original scroll from the academic people due to the overdue summons that I have yet to pay. Hahaa. Nanti lahh. The ceremony was simple since Mechanical was scheduled on the evening session, so it was more like a continuation from the morning ceremony. No lengthy speeches whatever, just straight to business, I like!
It has been a while since I last put my thoughts in here. And it's not because of anything else but I myself would blame the busy-ness that's starting to buzz. In fact I do actually have tonnes of things to share here but just haven't got much time anyways.
Last weekend I joined the KSRP Futsal Tournament and surprisingly our team (the newly formed team) managed to win the 3rd place title which I'm pretty much satisfied. I know last year our department won the 2nd place but despite of many injured and unavailability of these senior players and we had to inject new noob players (like me) and still won a placing is amazing lah k. Just looked at it from the perspective on the very last match of ours, between us and the yearly champion, Sasa F.C; I'd dare say all of us played our best and gave it all on that field. We even fell flat on our asses that day. Hahaa. So harini ramai2 pon lah sakit kaki dan bontot dan badan dan segala malanya. Tahniah rakan rakan! That's the joy to be celebrated.
I'm putting my blog on hiatus for the last few couple of days. It's not because I'm hiding nor anything; but merely on the basis of shutting the thoughts down first and will restart-ing the things all over again now. Sometimes you just need all of those down moments in order for you to reflect yourself up again. Didn't want to elaborate much on that though.
Work's so far fine. I'm slowly catching up and Alhamdulillah things are fine. Work is still work. Nothing comes in easy anyways. Haven't got the chance to go offshore yet. Urm, the opportunities were there but there's always obstacles in between it. Pffttt! Working in Operations so far is exciting. And I know most of everyone refuses or rarely pick the operations side and would prefer to stay in office at KLCC or just anywhere near civilization. But really, KK is not that bad. It is civilized. I once asked a few couple of friends (name not to be disclosed) and asked what is it so bad about working in Operations? And these few friends of mine answered
"Jauh."
"Kerja kuli kott"
"Macam kerja banyak je"
"Low class" (this is by far the most kurang hajar answer I've ever received)
Oh wells let me answer those back one by one. Jauh; okay make sense. But I thought we need to be resilient in our life right? If you don't want to, then go hell with you and your future-self. Kerja kuli; okay make senses. But I'm proud of it, don't you? At least when there' something that was being raised I could proudly say I'd experienced it myself. Hands-on! Been there, done that bitches! So who's the loser now then? I've speaked to an engineer who's not working in Operations before but with a more than 5 working years experiences, and this person was compiling all the rotating equipments in SBO fields. And then we came to the part of COTP and this person could actually asked us whether this COTP affect the production? Like, seriously? Period. Macam kerja banyak je; It is! But I took it as learning procedures. What is the use of you being proud of your workplace but could not even tell me your job scope? And maybe the job progression so far? Come on. We're on the lead now don't we? Low class; this is by far memang yang paling kurang hajar lah. I was pissed when I first heard of this. But then I took it as people couldn't really see what we're doing here until people come here for real. So yes, shut your mouth, come down here and see how class our knowledge are compared to you! And I could see this type of person in another 30 years, still stuck in the office, or probably in the traffic, driving his/her pathetic car, probably alone, duit banyak dalam pocket but empty. Unexperienced. Unknowledgeable. Couldn't go far, because of the sempit-minded of them. There you go. I've said my parts. Don't get offended by what I wrote because it is, what's from the heart.
Day 1
I'm supposed to do some works for RE Away Day on this 5th - 6th August but I ended up downloading songs from the Guitar Hero selection including the guitar tabs itself. Couldn't help myself, and besides I ran out of ideas anyways and needed the break (lame excuse, I know).
But wells, haven't got the chance to write anything down here yet since last weekend. It feels like almost-heaven last weekend. The family was here, in Kota Kinabalu :) The whole unit including the niece, Nur Khairina Alya stayed for the whole weekend and the house felt warm and cozy all over the places I thought there were fireworks somewhere (LOL) We went to Tenom on Saturday just to catch the view and spent the rest of the weekend around the KK city, including the Sunday Gaia Market.
I knew I'm not allowed to write this here since but what the hell, I actually cried the moment I reached home from the airport. It's like, in the blink of an eye, everyone's gone, leaving the house empty and quiet all over again. So it's gonna take time to get used to this whole thing all over again :(
Will upload the pictures once it's been uploaded to the computer first. Too lazy to connect the memory card into the slot. Even too lazier to find and pick where the hell I'd put the camera all over again. In desperate needs to clean up the room and re-arranging the stuffs. But too busy coping up with life, hence the ignoration. Craps! Hahaa
Oh my phone line got terminated (not barred, sila see the differences thank you) so I am phoneless for the whole weekend. Anyone in such a hurry to contact me, sila lah contact Noorul/Sri.
Eeek, bila lah SIM card nak sampai ni! Diimport special dari KL and hopefully lah it reaches me this Monday in one piece :)
What else? I'm starting to rant pointlessly now.
Tuning out myself to the tunes would be such a good idea now.
Oh wells, till then je lah.
Counting the days for convocation!
With the hope that it won't get postponed due to H1N1 cases lah of course.
Okay thanks bye!
have a nice weekend readers :)
